You People Need Serious Psychiatric Help

The other day I was taking a look at my lame-o blog, admiring my true failure at creativity, evidenced by the utter lack of activity for the last couple of months. All of a sudden, I realized I had 101 followers! How exciting! I went out that night and celebrated with my friend, Captain Morgan. I was gonna write about this amazing milestone, but I felt it was too late as it would have been more appropriate to celebrate my one hundredth follower. Like, I should have had a contest or something so that the one hundredth follower gets to meet me in person and buy me a(n expensive) present or clean my house. Maybe give me a two-hour long foot rub.

Well, fortunately for all of you, today one of my followers must have decided that I was a waste of space on their blogroll, so HAPPY ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS TO ME! I am so honored that you love my photographs and think I am such an amazing writer and that if I wasn't such introvert I would certainly be the most famous person alive!

So in return for being so faithful, I will do the following:

-Stop doing more productive things, like work, and focus once again on spending hours thinking of witty things to write about on my blog.
-Start planning a celebration for once I reach my thousandth follower. I always wanted to host a nude beach party with trampolines and slip-n-slides and lard and daisies.
-Buy some land in Montana to accommodate the future compound. And, as a reminder, you may punch in the face anyone who claims you are part of a cult. They are jealous haters.
-Drop all restraining orders - it is obvious you are not stalkers after all.
-It is that time in my career to make a new sex tape. This time I won't use a VHS format and accidentally leave it in a Popeye's Chicken. I will shun my bunny suit. Wait. Maybe I will still wear the bunny suit...

With gratitude...xoxo